doing what you love

i love reading. but there are two different types of books: the ones im interested in, inherently curious about, and those that i would like to read to become more well-rounded. and at night, when i look at the 60 worthy books i havent read, i take a long look and take a longer time choosing. and so today, i decided to buy a book that i really want to read because it simply is fun! -- greek mythology <3

i keep thinking everyday can be my last, that when i close my eyes, i will open them in that heavenly place. and before i take that great leap forward, i imagine my fingerprints, in bits and in whole pieces, on the hands of others - and think, one last chance: one last fingerprint. and for days i have been thinking of this. what would i say. reminded me of tuesdays with morrie, which i have never read. he was older, wiser, smarter. but if i cant figure out a paragraphs worth from 18 years, i'd be a failure.

everyday, we have the opportunity to redefine ourselves. every moment, every minute, every breath can be fire to test to test our souls. david foster wallace said that our natural default setting is unaware and ugly. it is. naturally, we fall downward and downward, spiraling to the low pits. from one degree of glory to another! mindful living is what we need. purpose driven living. how beautiful it is when the hypocritical life becomes the true life! for how am i to be judged? how i act one day? will they not see what i have done before, over time, and see, as one tests averages, what i am? hypocrisy is arbitrary! who is the real me? and yet, a new era may commence for those unbelieving critics. a new age of enlightenment. and for those still impossible with skepticism, living in the past, which is very easy to do (on 9 years of childhood i can find myself talking forever...) is dangerous and stupid. the past is only relevant because it has led us to now, not because it controls now. an opening into freedom.

for a long time, i have left a lot out to show - here i am, judge me. i guess this makes me a boring person, nothing to reveal later. time to play the game i guess. but at the smae time, i dont reveal the deepest depths. that is the good stuff too.