an EPIC day

at 3 o clock, i felt myself passing into sleep. the last thoughts on my mind, and i don't remember if i was dreaming or thinking, for here the line between them lies unsure, were of graduation. five minutes before i put my head to rest, i had gone on the computer to read memorable commencement speeches. I found one said to be predictable, uninspiring, bland - and part of the recorded speech was given by a student from Cal for Cal. And i thought, what if i had that opportunity, what would i say? And so i began, in my mind, linking ideas to words on the page, until i concluded that if i were to give a speech, it would be the one i recorded upon my tablets today. It begins...:

Thank you, Cal. For what you are, what you stand for, what you have given me, what i have given you, and what i learned from that relationship. I can almost forgive you for admitting me in the spring. almost. Thank you, Cal. For what you have opened my eyes to, for how you needled into my mind wisdom, patience, and humility - virtues easily forgotten today. But I thank you, with the greatest sincerity and excitement i am allowed, for who you are. future lawyers, bankers, businessmen and women; teachers, professors, educators, day care providers; mothers fathers, grandparents; scientists, researchers, philosophers; government workers, labor unionists, judges. You are Cal.
.........

it ends...:

i see you before me, alive, with hearts beating. i pray, stay, no, keep it that way. protect it. and i don't mean merely existing. many of us go to be in the workforce, some to more school, others to travel, but most of us eventually end up working. and we settle. and the fire dies, our hearts may stop beating. and i know that heart exists. uc walk out day anyone? tailgate parties? we believed, these four years, that we could make a change. that we could speak out and be the sparks for a dry world thirsting for brilliance. we are that brilliance. we are that fire. we are the hope of this world. and so when we leave this bubble, and go back into the world, do not forget who you are, what fire flows through your heart, from your heart. do not settle, to leave the body and mind satisfied whilst the heart fades away. money is a necessity, but we need not make an idol of it. intellectual prowess is a chisel, and reasoning, a fortress. sharpen and protect always, for they are precious and one of the few things you can call your own. but remember, they are not a means in and of themselves. be alive. if you must hate, hate sanely, correctly judging insofar as too garner no ill will, only respect. if you love, be alive. this beautiful world is far from perfect. in whatever fields you wander into, seize the opportunity to perfect it. you are a freight train. i don't expect you to save the world, that is my job. i expect you to carve into it. We are all artists, poets, lovers and loved ones. and such, we are hope, we are fire, we are life.
We are Cal.


when i was writing this, i was getting lost and trying to find my thought but it eluded me. so i added in thoughts here and there, hoping that maybe when i look back at this, i would recognize the traces i have left and finish what i have started. with no real experiences, how can i compose a body? what else could i do but share another lesson of life?




and i woke up at 6, then woke up at 7 fully (i think). so epic was my dream. i went to visit irvine, saw jack, swam with him and roy. went to a huge common room, with a huge arcade. i became part of a real cool game. it was a black cylinder with arrows circling around. there were about 8 layers. if you touch the bottom, you die. i was spiderman i think, and the opponent was batman. i was wearing black also. and i had to jump and try to catch him, while he tried hurting me. but i would fall, and so i would have to time my jumps to reach another arrow, from which i would receive another boost to jump. i tried hiding behind a pillar, he saw me. i fled, and so we kept jumping. it was like air-accelerate was on. and that is only the very last part of my dream. all i remember is waking up, thinking this dream must have lasted for days. scared, i checked my phone, making sure it was still wednesday. i thought i had slept till six the next morning. it was six, and so i fell asleep for another hour. at 8 30, i went to go take a bath and took lord of the rings with me. the water gets cold in forty minutes. i usually don't put much water in, about belly button level. the water became cold so i added very hot water to even it out. then the water got cold again, so i added even more. the water was now only four or five inches from the top, about 10 more inches than with what i started with. by the time i left the water, it was 11. and i realized i would miss reading the lord of the rings. i know the ending but, in the words of mr bhuta, i feel like i am part of the adventure, that every page there i am, with sam or frojo, or with gandalf and aragorn. i almost believe this to be reality. almost. and now, to homework.



the song i listened to on repeat while writing this = this will destroy you - there are some remedies worse than the disease... the video was about surfing. EPIC.