for a beautiful girl

dear katie,
i realize you will never see this. nonetheless, you sparked the dried strings of the past, and they come awake, knocking on my door. and, because you probably never expected me to read yours, i can freely, even defiantly, respond.
you are so beautiful. i understand; watching friends go, watching family change, and trying to figure everything out are tough jobs. you're courage to speak is amazing, your boldness a cause for hope.
but where do i start?
i guess i could start by being an a-hole. you mention that you don't want to see your friends go to their deaths. reality check: 1 out of every 1 smoker will die; likewise, 1 out of every 1 non-smoker will also die. here we are, with this precious gift we called life, but it was not given to us - it was lent out. we must give it back one day, regardless of what we choose to do with it. "Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take but by how many moments take your breath away." ironic, no?
my point, however, is not to denigrate you. i just want to let you know that life is a lot more complicated than the simple black and white. should your friends be angry at you for having so much anger, so much stress? high levels of stress are "killing" you too. when people change, it is an incredibly complex situation. you say you will hold on, that you want your friends to change their actions. but it goes beyond their actions. maybe it is they who need to change. change who they are, and inevitably, what they do will be altered. go down, find the roots. dig deeper.
nonetheless, i admire you for your abounding love. if i knew you, and if fate was kinder to us both, perhaps we would have known each other and maybe have been siblings, or something, anything, so that i would be able to tell you these words, and you would tell me why i am so stupid, and i would give you a hug, a kiss on the forehead, and agree.
your post about your brother was perhaps the most, at least on the surface (i pretend i know you but i have no clue who you are, and all i do know is from 10 minutes of reading...), disturbing. No doubt, things have changed. but you're brother is not the sum of what he does. he is not his actions. he is the person behind those actions. if based on such silly things, love cannot be constant, it cannot be sure. "hate the sin, love the sinner." imagine a world where we began to love people based on what they did. your real brother is the one right before you. you are a lover, i can see it. but you are so frustrated and angry. you have to see beyond it. unconditional love and acceptance does not equal being content. love your brother, accept him how he is, because right now, the brother you see is your brother.
in my experience,(but what do i know?) i find that anger, even a righteous anger, only puts a band-aid on the wound when more is required. but of course i interpret what is going in your life through my eyes: what i say may have nothing to do with how you feel. i understand. but this is my blog, and my right. people are drawn to God not because of his anger or wrath but because of his kindness. his kindness. his love. his enduring patience. not anger.

it is easy to call people out from a higher moral standpoint. after all, if you are higher, you know the way better. but we must learn to be in the midst of them and hold their hand and guide them.
and of course, you will say - but her anger ultimately stems from her love. but i fear that your anger will weigh you down, your frustration will overwhelm you.
kindness. acceptance and cooperation or collaboration. you will never change anyone. people change because they make a conscious effort to change (at least it seems when its a difficult change for the better). help them along their way. collaboration. kindness. love. patience.

so what was the point of this entire post... i could have probably summed it up in a sentence.
it is time to love in a productive way, accompanying your friends on this journey, this gift, we call life; always loving the person behind the action; and, finally, to sweeten the roots, not simply cut off the leaves.

but then again, what do i know?
it's too late my mind is shutting down and i saw myself make stupid grammar mistakes. if i can make grammar mistakes, i can misinterpret your entire post, making this post entirely useless.

i wanted to write a poem but i guess i'll just have to use the easy way out.
you are so beautiful. you are so powerful. in this changing world, don't forget these moments of strength; remember always that you are capable; and hold on. i don't know if you are a sister, but if you were, i would need another four pages.
anyhow, good bye to the night who was eager to let me greet the morning sun (who might be playing hide-and-seek with the clouds).