from the past

a blast from the past. it sucks that i deleted so many posts. a lot of them were good too. like the one about a humorous God. sigh. but here are 2 posts that i found and edward saved. these are the remnants of the glory days. bad grammar i know because i read over but i will not edit them here.
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a lesson of life

Consider two quotes.
Confucius : "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Frank Herbert : "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."

Change carries no connotation. It is not bad, it is not good, it merely is. And so, of course, it can be positive, it can be positive, or it can be nothing.
I grew up thinking change was detestable. To change meant to admit one's wrongs. For a long time I considered those who adapted to the present, be it fashion or pop-culture, had something innately wrong with them. And i know not whether this be true, for who knows what is truth?
And i knew i was foolish - but i kept insisting on a belief, though i no longer believed in it myself, to preserve pride. Doing your hair meant you were weird. Why? I don't know. Changing your hair style was weird. Why? I don't know. Changing friends is weird. Why? I don't know. The wisest change because they understand that they are wrong.
My beliefs swim in a sea of error - how can I allow them to drown? I cannot. I have changed my stance on change. Interesting. Before i come to the shores to rescue myself, i must pay a price: idiocy, stupidity, (any other synonym you know) and pain. It pains me to know that i am not infallible. And so i discover why we change. (Now i know change is a vague word, what does it mean change. It means everything. From puberty to knowledge, to the way we talk and to the way we walk. I mean everything as in every single thing you can think of. Now here's the meat.)

We, the imperfect race, daring and proud, refusing the fate of mediocrity, with our minds setting into imaginative blessings that we hope to not only see but also taste, the only ones capable of self-reflection and its disheartening implications, light-years away from that picture we call peace, are hopeful. One sees in his life the faults. Every one wants to be perfect. That single goal is the striving of all nations and of all peoples. "I want to be the best, the strongest, the fastest, the smartest, the etc." And in the end, everyone dies. That is incredibly ironic.
We spend our whole lives improving in every way possible. The more you change the more aware you are of being previously in the wrong. I said aware. Everybody to a very large degree is so incredibly wrong that we have things called wars, hate crimes, and dishonesty filling our world. I don't pretend; i am not more right than anyone. I just know that i'm wrong in so many things i do. And in the end, all our efforts are futile. Our end proves our fallible nature. We are the hopeless race. We are those who try to flee the waves of imperfection and then are swallowed by the crashing tsunami of death. As long as death is relevant, there will be no hope. We can change all we want, but one thing does not change. We have an end.

That is, if you believe in the purposelessness of the human race. Atheists, I think i'm addressing you, the most obvious party. As for me, I cannot choose to believe that the world is so purposeless, that my every action is so wasted. Once you realize that everyone dies, you have two choices. 1. Give up - live life however the hell you want, however the hell wrong you are, and keep changing in whatever way best fits your interest, not thinking of progress. Or, 2. Try - keep changing, for the better, not for the sake of the goal (perfection) because that is an impossibility, but for the sake of ....
I will let you fill in the blank.

I started with quotes. I will end in one.

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we really aren't living." Gail Sheehy
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lesson of life, pt. 4

Never let friends go.
I lost smiles, joys, hardships, love. I have lost so much. I can count my bygone-friends on my fingers, but i could not count my loss with numbers, only with... only with the emptiness that fills where my heart once stood.

There was Rainy, who taught me that life was better lived quietly, for silence was at times a virtue.
There was Jennifer, who taught me what love is - like a sister she cared for me, and she is the standard of friendship through which i see the world.
There was Daniel, who taught me life taken less carefully could be enjoyed more fully.
There was Lisa, who taught me that fear, no matter how silly, is a serious matter: respect the woman.
There was Scarlet, who taught me that best friends can last longer than two years, who gave me more smiles than any other person has before, who immortalized herself in my mind through awkward moments. Eighth grade promotion - wow. Tennis, fun. Party at her house - the best. Phone calls. Let's not even go there.
There was Eric, who taught me that friends don't always have to spend time with each other.

I still talk to all of them, and with some i am still close, and with one i am still best friends. But there can be no denying that a rift has grown between me and everyone else. It's only natural that friends grow apart because I and they change. I look back and wonder why i never made the effort to sustain such friendships. I gave up perfect diamonds rather than risk few blisters on my feet. I am the world's own biggest fool. No knowledge, math, English, history, no wisdom, no words can make up for my carelessness.
I am like a man walking alone in a dark forest with a lamp as my only companion. Instead of refilling the oil, i wait for someone else to come fill it up. I wait, and nobody comes. I am in the dark.

If friends must go, then go they must. But, take it from me, if they speed ahead, catch them. If they fall behind, wait. You can always make new friends. You will also find that friends are never replaceable. When others come to claim stake on a portion of your heart, you will find that the others who have passed on have taken the richest portion with them.

to live life with no regrets
means to never let go
of any of your friends

do not let them come and go
let them come and stay
i promise that your life will show
a quick night and A brighter day _________________________________________________________________

the change one was a lesson of life, which part i dont know but it was the best one i remember.
and now, back to the forbidden word documents :)